


Just Horsin’ Around in Houston.

by Cucklord



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Canon-Typical Violence, Dominance, Fat Karkat, Fat Shaming, Feeding, Feeding Kink, Hate Sex, Insults, M/M, Minor Violence, Multi, Revenge, Submission, Teasing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:13:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23645971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cucklord/pseuds/Cucklord
Summary: Idk what universe this is in except they are in their mid-20s and have contact with humans. This is a request and I wanted to be horny and I don't see why I must think that hard about canon in order to do that.Karkat sends a provocative postcard to Equius in order to lure him into a blackrom encounter. He uses this as a chance to get his own rocks off, but also to teach Equius a lesson about classism and fatphobia. Equius, for his part, loves being dominated by a low class troll so much that it overrides all his sense of propriety.
Relationships: Karkat Vantas & Equius Zahhak, Karkat Vantas/Equius Zahhak
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16





	Just Horsin’ Around in Houston.

Karkat idly browsed through his collection of human romcoms as he waited for his scheme to bear fruit. John the human had just sent him a score of new films which he, in his words, could “be good for one of your weird alternian hatred dates.” While he appreciated the pale gesture, Karkat was rather disappointed. Sure, some of these human films had potential: The Bachelor was certainly hateful, and Love, Actually was clearly written by humans who couldn’t resist putting entirely hateful people together, but none of them had the blackrom zest he was gunning for and, more to the point, they were all between men and women. There was nothing wrong with that, in principle, but he had plans for today that would make a romance between two men more appropriate.

Just as he was setting the absolutely horrific film Isn’t It Romantic? back into its proper place (filed in the “Mishandled Premise” section), he heard an extremely firm knock at his door. With a knowing grin, he turned to open the door, “Hey, Equius. Need something?” 

Equius, it seemed, had marched the whole way over there, judging from the misty condition of his forehead and thighs. It was a hottish day. He must have been mad to come here so quickly. His thick rubber soles squeaked as he pushed his way into Karkat’s room. “You know why I am here low-blood. Enough of your impertinence. Do you deny your crime?”

Karkat shrugged, entirely unafraid. “Dunno. What crime?”

Equius’s jaw tightened visibly as he took a long, low breath out through his nose, “I see. So you would force me to confront you, a commoner, with direct evidence of your lewd infraction of common decency. I admit, I did not expect you to be quite that foolish. You struck me as a troll who with the sense to know his place in the world--or at least one with a functional instinct for self-preservation.”

“Turns out you were struck right. I’m both of those things and also really good at organizing a DVD catalogue. Crazy, huh?” Karkat was distinctly unconcerned. From what Aradia had told him, he had nothing at all to fear. He knew what he was doing.

“Enough prattling! Here, this is the proof,” from the back pocket of his grey jean shorts, he produced the criminal document. The human postcard, obtained from Dave in exchange for some troll DVDs, was emblazoned with a lewd, high-res image of a skinny, sickly horse. It had large teeth and a rather foolish expression but, worst of all, it had a bucket on its head--wearing it like a helmet. It was emblazoned with the slogan, “Just Horsin’ Around in Houston.”

As hideous as the image on the front was, the message on the back was worse. Karkat had written (in bright red ink, no less) the words Hey Bluebell, you seem super pent up. I’d offer to fuck your brains out but I hear you like being dominated and I don’t want to give you the satisfaction. Instead, have this picture of a dumb muscle beast. I hear you spank it to that shit.

Karkat looked at the postcard for a long moment, and then...raised his eyebrows, “Oh yeah, I sent that to you. I thought you’d like it.”

“Like it?” Equius snarled as he crushed the offensive epistle in his fist.

“Yeah,” Karkat smirked, “Like it says, you slap your nook flaps hard core for those things, don’t you?”

“This is an unacceptable level of disrespect, commoner!” With the fury of 100 E%ecutors, he grabbed the smaller troll by the neck and slammed him into the wall, “How dare you even suggest that I would deign to flirt with filth like you!”

Karkat grunted. Sure, this was part of the plan, but still. Ow. He coughed a bit, then spoke softly, “Damn, you really are getting pitch for me, huh? I can see your damn bulge poking out of your shorts…” this was a lie, of course, but only for now if he had his way.

“SILENCE!” with a flick of his wrist, Equius tossed Karkat across the room. Karkat skidded past his furniture, stopping against his DVD shelf. Thankfully, he didn’t make much of a collision. This was going to be hot, sure, but not worth damaging his collection. Equius slammed his fist into the wall, screaming across the room, “You will RESCIND your offer of black quadrant coupling IMMEDIATELY. It is wholly inappropriate and I will not allow it to stand.”

Karkat smirked, knowing he had Equius in his trap, “Why? Is it making you too horny to function?”

Equius’ expression, obscured as it was by his glasses, did not immediately suggest fear or anxiety. His forehead was sweaty, sure, but that meant almost nothing with this troll. He was known to be that way. Still, the way he clenched his fists was potentially encouraging.

Equius spoke with a level tone, each syllable precise and envenomed, as he asked, “What troll in any conceivable universe would ever desire to couple with a pudgy, low-born being like you?”

“Pudgy?” Karkat sat up right quick at that, filled with the delicious hatred he knew that he would get out of this, “What, you think you’re hot shit because you spend all day doing crunches you maggoty piece of garbage?”

“Enough!” Equius yelled again, but Karkat could tell now--he was weakening. His shoulders were shaking and his glasses were beginning to slide down his nose, “You cannot speak to me this way. Rescind your offer of hate flirting.”

“I won’t,” Karkat said, standing triumphantly and pulling his sweater down over the ‘pudge’ that Equius had mentioned, “Because I never made any offer.”

“What?” Equius was taken aback.

“What?” Karkat said, imitating Equius’ voice, “That’s right, I never made an offer. What, can’t you read? Does the high-born poser not know his letters? I said, specifically, ‘I don’t want to give you the satisfaction.’ And I don’t.”

Equius seemed relieved, for a moment, “Ah. Well, then...well then! I have no reason to remain here. You are a worm, but not worth the time to chastise.” Equius turned to go, flipping his hair over his shoulder.

“Yeah you do,” Karkat said, quietly, “You have one, huge, throbbing reason to be here. It’s the whole reason you came.”

“Tch,” Equius refused to turn around, “and what is that, low-blood?”

“You’re going to beg me to fuck you.”

“Desist. You have already admitted to not desiring such a thing.”

“I said I wouldn’t ask you. But I know you are going to ask me.” Karkat sat at his desk, resting his hand on his own crotch. This was starting to get him heated. The closer he got to his goal, the more he felt the urge to just whip it out--but not yet. The time wasn’t wright.

“I already said I don’t desire you.”

“You lied, sure, but every time I tell you what to do, you get hotter and hotter.” Karkat leaned back in his chair, now openly stroking his own bulge through his pants. Though Equius could not see Karkat’s lewd gestures, somehow Karkat felt as if he could sense it from across the room. “You want to submit to me. You get off on being bossed around by ‘pudgy lowbloods,’ like me. You could walk out of here, but you don’t want to. You want to stay here and beg me to give it to you.”

“I…” Equius choked on his own words, turning his head slightly back toward Karkat, “I have no desire--”

“Shut up. You don’t get to lie to me anymore, weakling.” Karkat slipped a hand into his pants, then, unable to resist the sheer power of groping himself with Equius in the room. “You have a choice: you can walk your subby little ass out of my hive and take your horny little fantasies about me back to your bougie cliff, or you can come back in here and beg me to hate fuck you.”

Equius stood there for a full minute. Karkat didn’t mind. He was happy to wait--every moment of holding Equius in painful indecision was a delight. It made his bulge shudder with ecstatic spite. Still, finally, equius turned around.  
The defeated troll’s junk really was poking out of his shorts now, blue and pushing against the grey material--desperate to be free. Equius was a wreck. Karkat’s black quadrant words were overpowering. Coming from the lowest of the low, it made Equius’ junk unbearably restless. He needed this.

“Low-blood, I--” he began his contrite speech, but Karkat stopped him instantly.

“No, not good enough. You call me Karkat. Not low-blood, not filth. Just Karkat. If you’re good, I’ll let you give me compliments later.”

“Karkat, I want you to--”

“And if you want anything from me,” Karkat said, licking his lips, “You’re going to have to kneel. Kneel before the low blood you despise, Equius. Beg me to release you from your horny curse.”

“...” Equius was too far gone to object now. Trembling from head to toe, he kneeled before Karkat, placing his hands on the floor and bowing. “Karkat, please, I want you to hate fuck me. I want you to be my kismesis. I want you to release me from…ugh…” he couldn’t do it, the indignity was too great. “I won’t say that word. No.”

“You will if you want to get off. Say it. Say horny. Get your blue-blood tongue dirty with my low-blood words. You love it. You want to be degraded. Maybe you’re secretly tired of this bullshit caste system you hold up. I dunno. All I know is, I am not gonna fuck you until you do everything I say.”

“Release me…” Equius looked up. He saw Karkat’s hand. He saw the low blood touching himself--revelling in Equius’ absolute degeneracy. He felt shame, and, naturally, with shame came painful arousal. He screamed out the final words, “Release me from this horny curse, Karkat! Please! Just give it to me! I need you to fuck me!”

Karkat sighed, taking his hand off of his junk. Yes. This felt good. This was an excellent, for a start at least.

“Yknow what, Equius? I might just fuck you,” Karkat turned aside, “If this hate date goes well.”

“Hate date? This is no--”

“Equius, please. I might be a filthy low blood, but I don’t pail someone unless they give me dinner first. By the way…” he turned to his desk, pulling out a human take-out food menu. He tossed it at the prostrate troll. “You have all that money, don’t you? Buy me food. I’m so pudgy, after all--I need a lot of it. I want some cheese flavour discs. Human style. 10 should do. You’re having some as well.”

Equius yelped as the menu nearly gave him a nasty facial papercut. It was quality card stock and glossy, “Karkat, my diet is perfectly balanced for optimum performance. I cannot indulge in--”

“What’s that, maggot? Afraid you’re going to get, what’s the word, pudgy? Like me?” Karkat narrowed his eyes at the pathetic troll on his floor, “Maybe you’d look less pathetic if you had more of a figure, ever think of that? Yknow what, just for that, you’re ordering 20.”


End file.
